“I’ll tell you about what occurred in my emotional consciousness while redoing TIPH from scratch.
It hurt me so much to see that the people I started the organization with were no longer into maintaining it, much less staying in it. Almost all of the pioneers who were in the Board of Directors have moved on, except maybe 2 or 3 of us.
And it still hurts, remembering how we worked together to respond to the Marawi crisis. Dealing with the trauma of entire communities. Enduring the birthing pains of TIPH with so much hope and courage. The promise. Holding on to TIPH until we were old.
There’s more. The days we would diligently and enthusiastically organize meetings, feeling so empowered by the innovations and solutions we came up with for our various advocacies. Mostly disaster relief back then. The statements we would make, the creative publications we would craft. The excitement of getting recognized by other organizations, the emails they’d send us. And the nights. They were the best. Sudden sleepovers with the officers, working on fundraisers and relief goods packing. The benefit concerts, getting a booth at events. The runs that were made fun by the company. The places we would go to, to deliver all the donations. Buildings and cities and universities, meeting company officers and organization members and everyone in between. Tapes and the search for the best place to buy boxes. The weight of carrying all those bags and packages. The weight of carrying a country-load of issues. It was all worth it.
Until it stopped being worth it for the others, or it stopped being “practical” at all. Even while we gained hundreds of volunteers, we were already doubting ourselves. We lost track of why we started. And when we lost track, many of us didn’t bother to exert effort into adjusting and fixing our internal problems anymore.
They said they had a lot on their hands. But we all did. I was doing theater and dance and paid work and academics and all these other things as a bibo kid, but I never stopped putting myself into TIPH. Perhaps at some points I stopped putting in ALL of me, but I was always there. I couldn’t leave TIPH, not for more than days at a time. There was so much work to be done, both within and without. And I don’t say that as a thing to dread. I say that as a thing to be excited about. There was so much change to make in the world.
So you understand why it felt like a breakup. I was young then, though it was merely a year back. I didn’t comprehend how they could turn away from something they had pledged to believe in, continue, improve, and protect. Because even while my entire life was in shambles, I was homeless, family-less, health-less, and penniless, I knew what I wanted in life. And what I wanted in life was to make genuine, good improvements to society as we know it, a cause at a time. And I was willing to sacrifice what I could to make sure that even when I was at my lowest, I would not disregard others who were also at their lowest. The poor. The marginalized. The oppressed. Those who couldn’t do anything for their own situations simply because society deprived them of the opportunity to direct their own lives.
But now I get it. They, my pioneers, have moved on from TIPH. And it took me months, many months of attempting to delegate work, many months of trying to redraft the system, many months of introducing new ideas and projects that couldn’t be executed, only to realize that it was only me and a few other people truly left behind to spark real change in TIPH and in the world. They, my pioneers, are no longer my pioneers. They have moved on and maybe it’s for the better. And you know what? Many things are “impractical,” but that doesn’t mean these are not worth it.
So there I was, in the wee hours of the morning, scratching away with my pencil at a pile of bond paper and typing feverishly on my laptop (not actually my laptop, I had to borrow because I didn’t have one). Pages and pages of plans, the result of my passion. I wasn’t going to let the flame die. I was going to gather the remaining people and stir an entirely new wildfire. One that would last years. Perhaps decades. One that would see every project through to the end, until real results were visible. One that would live on even when my flame was gone.
I said when. I meant if. Because I can’t envision being alive without being impassioned to speak and work for the things I believe in.
Many practical things were impractical until they were made practical. And that’s exactly what I want to do. I’m willing to face the improbability of TIPH succeeding after rebuilding from scratch. Because this is worth it. This will always be worth it. And I believe that the world will never run out of souls as fervent as mine. With that faith, although people may come and go, I know that TIPH will always find hearts to call home.
See you on the other side.”
– Angela Maree T. Encomienda (Chairperson, The Initiative PH) to a friend, a few days after reconstructing the Bylaws and Constitution.
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The Initiative PH 